As some of the posts have already alluded to, smoking has an air of ‘badassness’ to it.  I mean James Dean, Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis, AMY WINEHOUSE…smoking has always put you in the company of some pretty cool people.  It makes sense, smokers are the ultimate rebels.  It is essentially throwing up the middle finger to death.  This being said, I don’t smoke, so I’ve started making a list of other ways I can look cool without smoking cigarettes.

FACE PAINT

The most perfect example of how face paint can make you cool is David Bowie.  He was essentially the coolest man on the planet  for 15 years and he pretty much looked like “Lion-O” from The Thundercats.  Face paint works, Bowie is now married to arguably the hottest woman on the planet, Iman, and is about as masculine as a maxi pad. You should probably start a little more conservative than this, but I can pretty much guarantee you will get laid.

CONTINUOUS NON-STOP DANCE

Everyone knows that people who can dance are cool.  Michael Jackson, Michael Flatley… Kevin Federline!  If you are dancing every second of the day, it is pretty much guarantee that everyone you know will want to be like you.  It’s probably going to be a little bit tiring, and you may end up becoming “The sweaty” kid, but no one will even notice because your cabbage patch is so off the chain.

NOTE:  You can’t do both the face paint and the dancing at the same time.

These tactics will require quite a commitment.  A lot of people aren’t ready for these.  If that is the case, I’ve also realized some ways to be cool based on your environment.  These will require you to be extremely astute and perceptive, and ready to be cool at any moment.

“SUNS OUT GUNS OUT”

If the sun is shining, then there is no reason why you should be wearing sleeves.  It’s quite simple.  If you walk outside wearing a T-Shirt, and the sun is shining, pull your sleeves up over you shoulders.  If you walk outside wearing a long sleeve shirt, and the sun is shining, rip your sleeves off.  Everybody knows farmers tans are not cool. This directly leads into the next one…

COOL PEOPLE ARE NEVER COLD

Part of being cool is not letting things effect you.  That means the weather as well.  If you are walking with friends and they say they are cold, take you jacket off and say “oh, I hadn’t noticed”.  Think back, the coolest person you’ve ever met is that guy who wears Adidas Sambas and shorts all year round.  No one ever talked to him, but that was because they just weren’t cool enough.  If you play your cards right, you could one day be as cool as this guy on the left.

THE SUN NEVER SETS ON A BADASS

The straight up coolest people never take off their sunglasses.  It is cool as hell to say “fuck you” not just to the sun, but light in general.  If you wear your sunglasses to the bar or club, you are letting people know, “I’m so cool, I don’t even need to see”.

The more and more I think about it, I’m not sure I could pull any of these off.  I’ve got sensitive skin, no rhythm, scrawny arms, no fat to keep me warm, and am too uncoordinated to not be able to see.  There doesn’t see to be much hope for me to start being cool. I suppose I could always just start smoking.

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