Color is a vital part of human existence.
Color tells us how to feel about things. Take, for example, the sky. What color is the sky? If it is blue, we can be fairly certain that it won’t rain. We will go to school or work and then go do something outside later. If it is gray, we can be fairly certain that it will rain or that, at the very least, the sun will not be coming out. We will go to school or work and then go home, probably take a nap, watch Jeopardy and masturbate.
All because of the color of the sky.
Color helps us to organize our DVD collection. Never mind genre or era, it is important to organize them with color. That’s right, Starsky and Hutch goes next to Clockwork Orange and Jurassic Park goes next to Remains of the Day. Deal with it.
The color of someone’s car is a great determinant of his or her personality. Black – wants to be rich, has an undiagnosed Oedipus complex. Red – overcompensates in the bedroom by owning a wide array of toys, has an affinity towards salad bars. Green – compulsive liar about very trivial matters (“where’d you buy those socks” – “I made them”). Purple – unresolved issues with older family members, believes in ghosts. Yellow – attempts to cover up lack of personality by being involved in extreme sports, big McGuyver fan. Blue – views private time as very valuable, possible murder suspect. Silver – avoids risk, scared of eating breakfast at non-chain restaurants. I could go on forever.
Eye color? Important right? Maybe.
The color of someone’s eyes will only tell you one thing: how much they actually like Fleetwood Mac. Blue – Apathetic. Green – Huge Fan. Brown – Only likes Lindsey Buckingham. One brown, one green – Is Lindsey Buckingham.
I just want you to know that I made that up. Blue means you own Rumors, but would never tell anyone about it.
Color can tell you a lot about a rash. Is it red? Put some cream on it. Is it yellow? Take a bath with some colloidal oatmeal. Is it black? That’s not a rash. It’s hair. Congratulations, you’ve hit puberty.
We have baselines for colors. When it doesn’t match up, our brain tells us. Don’t drink that green milk. Don’t eat those white strawberries. Son, don’t follow that Ronald McDonlad with grey hair into his white van.
Color is a system of classification. It helps us experience the world. Without it, we would be, well… colorblind. But some people are colorblind. So, maybe it’s not that important.
Thanks anyway, color.
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