I envy the Professor for being smarter
I envy the comedian for being funnier
I envy the mailman for being outside
I envy Brad Pitt for having everything that comes with being Brad Pitt
I envy the dude who works at the café for the free food he eats
I envy the dog-walker for having a dog
I envy the marathon runner for his lungs
I envy the guy at the gym for his lats
I envy the soldier for being more courageous
I envy the old man for being retired
I envy the traveler for what his eyes have seen
I envy the President for his plane
I envy the designer for having a freer mind
I envy the guy on the computer next to me for his software
I envy the reader for the book he’s got in his hands
I envy the glassblower for being skilled at something, anything
I envy the guy who went to Dartmouth for being able to say he went to Dartmouth
I envy the artist for being more artistic
I envy the blogger for his steady insight into the human experience
I envy the guy with the thick beard for his superior facial hair
I envy the high schooler for still being in high school
I envy the football player for being talked about on TV
I envy the basketball player for his shoes
I envy the rich man for his lack of financial worry
I envy the poor man for his lack of responsibility
I envy the computer programmer for knowing things I never will
I envy the man in the nice coat for having a nice coat
I envy the couple in the window for the meal they’re eating
I envy the friend in San Francisco for being in San Francisco
I envy the friend in New York for being in New York
I envy the friend in Chicago for being in Chicago
I envy the author I’m reading for having an interesting life
I envy the family man for his family
I envy the single man for his freedom
I envy the housewife for staying home each day
I envy the waitress at Avalon for being beautiful
I envy the boys drinking on their front porch for having a front porch
I envy the Esquire journalist for being more prolific
I envy the man in the airport for having a pretty fiancé.
I envy the lecturer for having something interesting to talk about
I envy the entrepreneur for having the balls
But I don’t want to be any of them.
I’m far too proud for that.
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