Growing up we played this game called “Six Degrees of Separation From Kevin Bacon,” the premise of which I always found to be simultaneously funny and ridiculous. Who the hell does Kevin Bacon think he is that he must be the focus of this absurd game in which he’s bound to literally every actor who’s ever been in Hollywood within 6 films?

It’s annoying, actually. It works every time, no matter who you start with.

So I wonder. If Kevin Bacon can be connected to all these people within 6 degrees, can he also be connected to something as random as facial hair?

Let’s try.

1st degree: When facial hair grows too long, it itches.

2nd degree: There was a famous 1955 movie called The Seven Year Itch starring Marilyn Monroe.

3rd degree: Marilyn Monroe starred in Some Like It Hot with Jack Lemmon.

4th degree: Jack Lemmon was in Glengarry Glen Ross with Alec Baldwin.

5th degree: Alec Baldwin was in The Aviator with John C. Reily who was in The River Wild (*coincidentally with a beard, and) with…

6th degree: Kevin Bacon.

Damn you, Kevin. Damn you and your connections to the banalities of life itself.

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