What’s Happening To My Body?
It’s Perfectly Normal.
The Boy’s Body Guide.
The list goes on. These are all books dedicated to educating the self-aware pubescents of America on the wild odyssey they’re embarking on. But I think it’s a hoax. A sham. Malarky.
See, the thing is, the changes that take place during puberty are slow. Just like most major changes in life, the physical and emotional shifts are almost imperceptible. You can’t tell what’s going on, because on a day-to-day basis, nothing is going on. Pubes don’t sprout in a body-wracking explosion of hair. This isn’t Planet Earth on fast forward, with the mushrooms and shit all bursting out of the ground, climbing spasmodically towards the cave ceiling. This is one day being told “hey, son, it’s time you started wearing this,” and then being handed your first stick of Old Spice. It’s talking to girls for the first five minutes of lunch before playing 55 minutes of basketball.
I’m not sure which broaching teens were howling “Whattttttttt’s happennning to my bodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?“, but it was never me. My parents bought me one of these books anyway. It weirded me out at the time. It still weirds me out.
It’s alright though. I’m going to get them back. They’re about to be entering their mid-sixties. They’re probably experiencing a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally. They probably have a lot of questions about what’s happening to their bodies. I plan on buying them a book that answers those questions.
Then we’ll be even.
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