Puberty is traditionally defined as the period at which adolescents reach sexual maturity and become capable of reproduction.  But more than that it’s a time of huge changes in someone’s life.  Hair starts to grow in new and itchy places, voices get deeper, boobies graduate from gross to awesome, and so on and so forth.

Most will tell you that once you’ve finished your awkward stages, puberty is over. But I’m here, my friends, to tell you that this is not the case.  I don’t define puberty as a time or segment in one’s life.  Rather, I look at it as an evolving process of strange and wonderful things that happen to the human body.

Today I want to talk to you about one of those strange and wonderful things that I’ve noticed as I’ve reached early adulthood.  That thing is what I call the Shphenomenon.  What is this Shphenomenon?  Let me explain:

There is one bodily function that people can only get away with at two stages in their lives (very young age and very old age).  I am, of course, talking about shitting yourself.  If a baby or young child poops their pants, you giggle, say, “That’s cute” and clean them up.  If a very old person soils their Depends, you sigh, say, “What are ya gonna do?” and clean them up. Case closed.

However, up until recently, anyone in between those two age brackets who happened to shit themselves was met with utter disgust, immediately outcast, thrown on the short bus, and occasionally given a helmet.

But no longer.  I’m 23 years old, and in today’s society if I want to streak my BVDs I have free reign, so long as I follow one rule.  I have to call it a Shart.  Sharting is the new black, and it’s sweeping the globe.

Five years ago, people were ashamed to poo their pants.  Sharting, on the other hand, seems to be cause to celebrate.  I’ve seen grown men on subway cars admit to Sharting and be met with laughs and high fives.  I’ve seen beautiful women happily clink glasses together at bars after proclaiming a Shart.  I’ve personally sneezed too strongly to control my bowels and described it to a friend as a Shneeze.  He told me he’s never been prouder of me.

It seems that no matter what you do these days, shitting yourself is A-OK if you add a “SH” to the front.

Shbrushing your teeth?  Go nuts! Just make sure it’s toothpaste!

Shcooking dinner?  I’m sure it’ll be delicious!

Shwatching TV?  Shtaking a test?  Shwalking the dog?  Shmaking love?

All OK.  It’s part of the ever-evolving process of puberty and it’s Shphenomenal!

It’s also a Bollywood film.

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