“Oops. I noticed you don’t know the name of my gang.”
When we meet people we like or think could help us in life, it’s considered appropriate to give them a little piece of cardstock with our name and number. Then, we pray they call us and advance our piece on the board. But someday you may reach inside your breast pocket and pull out something else, and then the transaction is going to suddenly become weird. Read on and prepare yourself for what certain choices say about you.
Baseball card:
You slip them a 1989 Dennis Eckersley. They are initially impressed with your bold statement about the manliness of handlebar mustaches and skin-tight uniforms on tall old dudes. Then they realize that you are much younger than them and barely know who Eck is, and so they assume you’re some kind of schizophrenic math wizard that loves statistics like ERA. This may make it more likely or less likely you’ll get hired.
Playing card.
Out of your breast pocket comes the 4 of Clubs. You look at each other. Three possibilities occur: one, they’re an itinerant gambler that have a severe problem, one that craves an enabler like you. They love it. Two, they’re confused by your choice to leave out names, emails and phone numbers from your minimalist card and assume you’re some kind of progressive German graphic designer. They love it. Or three, they believe you’re down for some kinky weirdo sex, as indicated by your use of their secret society’s calling card. Put on your mask and tuxedo/gimp outfit. It’s party time.
Free sub card.
They assume you like subs. Or at least free ones.
Credit card.
The natural first thought is a bribe. But most people will give you a reprieve, joking uncomfortably that “ah, you may not want to give that away.” If you insist, they’ll probably leave awkwardly or buy a bunch of drinks and wild out.
Christmas card.
Your dramatic embrace of the Good Season will impress. While they failed to send Christmas cards out at all, here you are transmitting Santa’s most poignant moments over Miller Lights. While it may not fit in their wallets, a Christmas card in April is hard to describe as anything except “majestic.”
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