Growing up I desperately wanted a twin.  I wanted an identical, but I would have settled for a fraternal.  I wanted a twin partly because I was a complete and utter loser and partly because I just thought it would have been awesome to get into sitcom-esque scenarios.  My twin and I could totally trade places, get caught, but ultimately learn a very important life lesson.  I was stuck learning my life lessons on my own, and they were far from worthy enough for “Must See T.V.”

I pleaded with my parents to get me one.  I asked for one on my birthday, I asked for one on my half birthday, I asked for on on my sister’s birthday, but nothing.  They probably didn’t get me one because they were afraid he was going to be as big of a loser as I was.  Turns out they couldn’t have been more right.

In my desperation for a clone, and after watching an all day marathon of Family Matters, I found my twin.  He was in the bathroom, he was an Identical, and he didn’t think I was a loser.  It was my reflection.

Aside from totally freaking my parents out little-skinny-white-kid-in-a-horror-movie-from-the-80′s style, a twin was exactly what I needed.  Every time I went to the bathroom I got to hang out with my twin who thought that I was totally awesome.  It was a boost of self confidence in a can… in the can.

Like any twins, we wore the same clothes, finished each others sentences, and had the same awful bowl-cut.  We developed our own language.  In hindsight it probably sounded like a pentecostal church in the middle of deep prayer every time I went to the bathroom.  We liked all the same movies and read all the same books. We even auditioned for roles in different movies as extras, though we never got any roles, strangely enough.

Over time I got over my self-confidence issues and bloomed into a fair-to-mediocre teenage specimen.  I had friends, I had a girlfriend, I parted my bowl-cut… and I still had an imaginary twin every time I went to the bathroom.  Most people grow out of imaginary friends, it’s a phase, but my imaginary friend had been burned into my brain after years of talking to my mirror.  I mean, it’s not all bad, to this day every time I go to the bathroom I get a confidence boost… I mean everytime I go to the bathroom I get two confidence boosts.

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