well
i say “picture me lyin’”

so picture it
5 foot 10 178 pounds of brown eyes and brown hair
poking through a living breathing domicile
the only one of its kind
grasping inside it 24 years
of thoughts memories regrets
dreams ideas experiences
loves and loss and bad thoughts and good ones and good deeds and bad
countless déjà vus
innumerable moments of happiness
incalculable moments of sadness
more

it’s morning’s 3:47
and it’s all here
lying with me on a queen-sized bed
keeping me company in the dark
injecting this midnight daydream
with whatever makes me
me

outside
across a tiny world
four billion people
are living their lives
wide awake
like me
only my consciousness is an unwelcome guest
at this hour
because while i think of them

they think nothing of me

count sheep?
fuck counting sheep
half an hour more
and I’m going to be slaying fucking sheep
i think
as the multi-colored oddly-shaped marbles of thought
roll around my head
falling into a different hole
when I turn on my side
again
towards the bearer of neutral news
sitting on my night table.

there is nothing lonelier
at any hour
i think now
than watching the silent explosion
of glowing green numbers

in between their bursts
they dance around in darkness
for sixty seconds at a time
before jumping in or out of position
an insane and neverending construction and reconstruction
of digital number levels
making the un-crutched five into a sturdy six
or pulling apart a solid eight to reveal a top-heavy nine

I’m alone with these glowing green numbers

but as the clock hits 4:19
i stumble on this golden nugget:

being your own best friend amidst darkness
is the most unfaltering gift we’ve been given

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