Summer sleep-away camp is a strange place for two reasons. First, there’s no diversity. It’s made up almost entirely of upper middle class white kids from Long Island and North Jersey. Secondly, and more importantly, it’s the backdrop during the nexus of many early lives, where childhood meets adulthood, where you first begin to morph into the person you will soon become. That’s a big time in a kid’s life, those 5th through 10th grade years. You learn a lot about yourself during those years. A lot about other people. A lot about life.

What follows is a brief compendium of things I learned at camp. Unfortunately for me, none of it really crystallized until now:

Don’t try to be like the cool kids. They all eventually turn into douches. All of them.

The most beautiful girl at camp would not be the most beautiful girl at school, and vice-versa.

At least kids are cruel to your face.

Don’t try and sell your bunkmates bags of tea for $.50 each.

In the grand scheme of things, we’re all specks of dust suspended in a sunbeam for a split second in time. Ask that girl in bunk 7 out.

Gossip is for chacks.

Be nice to the kid with problems who sometimes drools when he speaks.

Don’t mess with a roided-out counselor who misses free swim every day to go lift and/or drink protein shakes.

Don’t eat the potato salad on Fridays.

Public diarrhea happens. Accept it.

When given the chance, beat Daniel Goldman’s ass. He was, is, and always will be a complete asswad.

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