Don’t get me wrong- I love the alphabet.  I use it almost every day.  Some might say I’m using it right now.  And now.  But less now399489393./”\+=-*^$3!5.

Regardless, I don’t want what follows to come off as an indictment or a criticism.  Rather, I just want to pose the question of completeness.  I believe it would be arrogant to think that the 26 letters that we use are all that’s out there.  Is it possible that there are letters we don’t know about?  Let’s term these undiscovered letters.

Now, what could these letters be used for?  What about that sound a strong passing of gas releases?  Ppppbpbbzzzzzzzzthwwwwppppp.  Is that adequate?  Does that truly capture the moment of escape?  The embarrassment of relief?  The pride of departure?  Perhaps not.  I believe there’s a void here occupied by an undiscovered letter, one that I think looks like this:

Imagine a paragraph of your favorite humor magazine ending with a long string of these majestic letters.  You’d get the point, and the punch line, much more clearly.

Perhaps this could emote the sound that comes from banging your leg against the table, kind of a gkangthaaaaahhherrrrr! type sound:

And finally, I can’t help but think that writers of romance novels and pornography scripts would be grateful for something that could better express the sounds of pleasure:

Perfect.

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