Mr. Clark,
I’m your new neighbor and I hate azaleas. But that has nothing to do with this. Before we pretend to like each other, I wanted to mention something that concerns me based on some issues that have arisen with past inhabitants of your house.
I’m a man of great patience and supreme understanding. I understand that you may want to restart your Sunday morning maze if you run into a dead end or that you may want to start the dishwasher over if it doesn’t get all the pie crust off the plates from that Memorial Day family reunion during the first wash. But you will never be able to start over if you shoot my dog in the paw or if your son pulls my son’s pants down to his Keds and ties his shirt to his penis. I will not stand for this. And if it happens, I will have no choice but to take action.
You can always enter the witness protection program like the last family that lived in your home. But I wouldn’t recommend it — I hear it’s a drag.
Ok. Enough with the negative possibilities. Let’s look forward to a time when our families can enjoy some lemonade or white wine spritzers on the back porch. How about the next time the sun comes out to play?
All the best,
Mr. Jeff
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