Romance. Adventure. Space travel.
Ruined. For forever. By Hollywood. Forever.
These genres, as they exist in real life, are boring. They will never be as exhilarating, or as passionate, or as dangerous, or as suspenseful, or as scary as they are when played out on the big screen.
No one will ever kiss in black and white quite like Carey Grant or run from a giant rolling boulder in an ancient temple filled with booby traps quite like Indiana Jones or fly an X-wing through the starry darkness of a galaxy far, far away quite like Luke Skywalker.
We, as “normal people”, meaning those that exist in real life and not on film that clicks around a reel, are doomed to underperforming and a life of letting others down because we cannot live up to the expectations set by Hollywood.
It’s sad really, and not entirely our faults either. Few people ever get the chance to try to switch an ancient idol with a bag of sand that weighs precisely the right amount at precisely the right time or fight an intergalactic battle against an evil empire led by a seriously old man who shoots blue lightning out of his finger tips and a half robot half man man who can strangle people with his thoughts but still has real feelings for his estranged son and daughter. Like it or not, it just doesn’t happen.
We do get opportunities, however, but these are often boring and not apt to creating heroes. There are the freak successfully landing a plane in the middle of the Hudson without injuring anyone on board situations, but those are extremely rare and often not successful anyway.
In most cases, our opportunities include things like picking up a falling friend while white water rafting and flying to the moon and riding the ferris wheel with the lady we are mad crushing on but can’t talk to because of the intensity of our crushing, and other boring things.
In the past, these chances would be filled with potential, and the outcomes would often times lead to super heroism. Not because they hadn’t been done yet. Because Hollywood hadn’t been done yet. But then came Hollywood. And Hollywood did everything better than we ever could.
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Lisa Martin
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