Because humans have a higher logic and reasoning than other animals they can manipulate lower species. This explains a lot of things including (but not limited to) the following: House plants, Siegfried and Roy, Barefoot Contessa, the horse drawn carriage, Hannah Montana, Sea World, Hannibal’s crossing of the alps and eggs benedict.
Because of this higher logic humans are also given the ability of foresight; we can perceive dangerous scenarios without ever having experiencing them. We are observational learners. This is good, but it is also the same reason we are cowards. And it’s also the same reason that, when we decided to go into space, we sent monkeys.
We sent monkeys.
We sent monkeys in a fucking rocket ship to space.
We sent monkeys in a fucking rocket ship to space, and most of them died.
Sad story.
True story (read it on wikipedia here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkeys_in_space)
Now, since I am a human being blessed with the wonderful attribute of empathy, I put myself in Albert’s (that was the monkey’s name) shoes. I tried to think about what his inner monologue would have been during the entire glorious, but ultimately fatal, experience.
Here is what happened in Albert’s mind:
“Nice, just hanging out in the laboratory getting some blood work done. No problem, this is cool. Sweet, a new hat. Cool, cool. More tests, more tests, great. Can I go back to my cage now? Motherfucker can’t a monkey just shit in his hands and rub it on the wall? Tests, tests, alright. Hey – where are we going? Oh, I am not getting on that bus. Hey, get your arms off me, dude. Stop it! I can’t believe they are strapping me into a chair on this bus. What the hell is going on? Albert, pull it together, just relax. Relax. It’s just a test.
Where is that counting coming from? Who’s counting? Why are they counting down? What the hell is going on? Whoa, whoa, whoa, I just shit my pants. I can’t even throw it anywhere. My hands are tied. I shit my pants, in a bus, with someone counting down, and my hands are tied.
This isn’t a bus.
Where am I going? Why is it shaking?
I don’t feel good.
I’m going to throw up.
I threw up.
I threw up and I shit myself, in a bus that’s going through the air.
Why is the ground getting smaller?
Why is it getting dark?
I don’t see any bananas.
My shit it floating with my throw up. Everything is floating.
When I get back, I can’t wait to see them try to clean this up.
It’s going to be so hilarious. Jarrett’s going to be so pissed off.
I’m thirsty.
I can’t breathe.”
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