These orange, crisp vegetables that take a phallic-like shape (hell, let’s get the dick joke out of the way early) can actually be credited as a pivotal contributor to the Allies’ victory in World War II. Carrots are also at the center of an optometric conspiracy driven by parental ignorance and hearsay on the part of farmers, both a result of their central role in defeating the Nazi regime. Don’t believe me? Watch as I unfurl this legitimate fact about the vegetable that kept the British from speaking German as a national tongue.

In 1943, British engineers fashioned a device that allowed pilots to see enemy planes in the night sky and through thick cloud cover. That device was Airborne Interception Radar. Such an inception sent German planes down faster than a terrible oral sex joke. The Britons were wary about revealing such a piece of valuable technology, and rightly so; the Germans were reported to have one of the best pan-European spy networks at the time. As a result, several British scientists were asked to publish in journals under pseudonyms touting the excellent marksmanship a result of a carrot influx into British pilots’ diets. British households began including carrots at every meal in an effort to improve the vision of family individuals.

Upon receiving word of this, many German generals were skeptical about the newfound Carrot power (a power reserved for only the shittiest superheroes). However, Hitler’s innermost cabinet (though it remains to be said if Hitler actually approved as well) thoroughly believed the carrot hype and subsequently spent an exorbitant sum on carrot-farming in lieu of ammunition production even as German resources dwindled. Such a consequence was unintended by the British government, but well-received nonetheless.

The British continued to protect the English channel under the guise that carrots helped their pilots see at astonishing rates and eventually defeated the joint-forces of Canada and Venezuela in the Great War of Mars. Alright, I’m screwing with you, but I felt like I was losing you amid all this historical noise. The rest, as the proverbial “they” say, is history and the British fended off the Germans and preserved that adorable accent, though pronouncing their ‘h’ sounds wouldn’t kill them.

World War II is arguably the war with the most influence on the modern world. It changed the way citizens of the world view poverty, religious tolerance, dictatorships, and warfare in general. However, the most overlooked part of this war is the pervasive belief that carrots improve vision that still persists today. In sciency word language, it’s true that beta-carotene and Vitamin A help preserve vision and lessen the chance of certain eye disease, but does it actually improve vision? Hell to the no. However, if you don’t want to eat them, fine by me. But if you want to pay homage to a true war hero, have a carrot or two. After all, what the hell has Asparagus done for the world?

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