Resolutions. They are all the same. And they should be. Because most of us don’t do the things we need to. But why can’t we right our wrongs? Why can’t we break the shackles that bind us? This is usually where I would insert an answer. But I don’t have one. I’m just as bad as you. No, not you, Baptist preacher/fitness instructor who speaks Portuguese. We all know you are perfect. Have fun conversing with the Brazilian cashier at the Gold’s Gym in Forth Worth, Texas. Actually, Baptist preacher/fitness instructor who speaks Portuguese, we need to borrow your for a second. Is that okay? Can you spare a moment before your pectoral sermon? What’s that? Your name is Randy? Okay, Randy. Randy here is an example of what happens if you follow through with your resolutions. What’s that you say Randy? In the late winter of 2003, you were a porn addicted atheist who was morbidly obese? You talked shit to 8-year-olds while playing Halo, hated people with different accents and spent Sunday mornings at Golden Corral? Interesting, Randy.
I sat down with Randy to talk to him about his metamorphosis. I wanted to know how to break the shackles, how to change the unchangeable, how the caterpillar becomes a butterfly. I wanted to see if Randy could teach me how to be a better person. But he couldn’t. Because here is the secret about people that come through with their resolutions: they don’t want other people to reach theirs. It’s sad, but it’s true – like all of the sisters that are in the weight loss challenge, until one of them achieves their goal.
“Go ahead, Samantha, take a frozen snickers bar. You look great. You really do. Have I told you about the new dog Albert and I saved from the pound?”
Not reaching our resolutions makes the world go round.
Think about it. If everyone was able to stick to a budget, lose weight, speak Spanish, not watch porn and go to church, there would be very little for people to do. If everyone made good on their January 1 promises, life would be pretty boring. But fear not, for this is natural. Mother Nature knows it. That’s why we have things like Hurricanes, Tornadoes and the Jersey Shore. Things can’t just maintain a sense of balance. There must be an instigator. The gym needs Ben and Jerry’s. The government needs terrorists. God needs Satan (because love without choice is not love at all).
And that’s what resolutions come down to: choices. We make promises that we are going to change the things we choose. What we buy. What we watch. Where we sleep. So maybe, in the end, resolutions, broken or fulfilled, are just constant reminders of our own humanity. Constant reminders that we have agency over our souls. That, unlike the beasts, we have reason over instinct. That, when we forgive ourselves for breaking our resolutions, we show we champion mercy as the ultimate display of power. And, in the rare case that we fulfill them, we show that, yes, we choose hope over fear.
So, go on, promise yourself everything. There is only one day of your life where you don’t have a tomorrow.
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