Today they lock people off your desktop and protect your emails. They hide your bank statements and, most importantly, your porn addiction.

But think back to being a kid.

Close your eyes and remember the days when a password was actually a gateway to a tangible world that was, until that point, just out of your reach. By simply uttering a few key words or making a subtle, yet profound, signal with your hands you instantly gained access to a place few were ever able to experience.

The lack of knowledge about a password could make or break your social status. Maybe you wanted to hang out in that amazing treehouse in the woods. Unless you knew the password, you were doomed to a life of being mocked from above by its inhabitants.

The right or wrong password could determine where you sat in the cafeteria. Eating your crust-less PB&J at the right table could turn every bite into edible nirvana. Conversely, if you weren’t privy to the right information, well then you may as well have just gone outside and ate dirt while hanging by a wedgie off the monkey bars.

The right password would make you feel better about yourself. You would walk around beaming. Your mom would say, “Alex?” (my mom would, anyway), “Why are YOU so happy?” Little did she know that your world had just blown wide open, all because you knew “Sabre-Tooth Tiger.”

Life was simply more exciting as a kid in a world of passwords. It’s a type of excitement that’s sorely missed in adult life. I’m going to change that. I’m going to revert to living my life the way I did when I was 7. I’m going to build a fort. My kitchen will have a password. My office will have a secret knock. If you want me to drive you somewhere then you’d better know the right handshake or else find another ride, buttmuncher.

People will drive themselves insane trying to get inside my world. Friends and co-workers will cry themselves to sleep at night trying to break down the walls of my hidden universe. It’s going to be, for lack of a better word, epic.

So please, join me, if only for a day. You might stir up some frustrations at home or get yourself a stern talkin’ to from a superior, but in the end it will be all worth it. As they storm off, huffing and/or puffing about that “stupid goddamned password” you can look at them with a proud smirk, knowing what they’re missing out on, like a kid from above in an amazing treehouse.

Revert With Me, Won't You?, 4.0 out of 5 based on 4 ratings

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