Do-It-Yourself

// The Most Useful Section of the Bookstore

By Alex Aloise .
10.25.09 // Do-It-Yourself

This afternoon I took a trip to Barnes & Noble. When I wasn’t busy trying to look smart by browsing through the $8 editions of The Art of War and Dante’s Inferno, I wandered over to the DIY section. The selection was plentiful. The possibilities of things I could do without the aide of another, endless. I could crochet, weld, screenwrite, or even yodel. Still, there were some other Do-It-Yourself books that just left me scratching my head.

Why would anyone want to do some of these things? Let alone by themselves?

A Home of Your Own
I’m pretty sure if you’re going to build your own house you’ll need a bit more training and practice than you’d get out of an $11 paperback.

MMA the Single Way
Ultimate fighting yourself kind of defeats the whole purpose of ultimate fighting.

What Would Bob Barker Do?
I guess that really is the question when you can’t afford the vet. Forward by Rod Roddy.

The Blacksmith’s Bible
How to turn your two-car garage into an anvil pounding house of fire, iron, and the plague.

No Wire Hangers…Ever!
Joan Crawford meets at-home abortions.

The Sweet Science of Personal Piercing
I violently wince away from nose flicks. I’m not gonna be the guy poking a hole into myself any time soon. I’ll leave that to this guy.

View Comments / Oct 25.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Alex Aloise

// Do-It-Yourself

By Elektrovideo .
10.24.09 // Do-It-Yourself

Do It Yourself from elektrovideo on Vimeo.

View Comments / Oct 24.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Elektrovideo

// This is a Picture of a Man Doing Something Himself. I Made It Myself.

By Jake Dubs .
10.24.09 // Do-It-Yourself

View Comments / Oct 24.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Jake Dubs

// Do or Don’t.

By Ben Cheney .
10.23.09 // Do-It-Yourself

View Comments / Oct 23.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Ben Cheney

// Our Generation

By Jordan Childs .
10.22.09 // Do-It-Yourself

View Comments / Oct 22.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Jordan Childs

// Did and Didn’t

By Tristan Smith .
10.21.09 // Do-It-Yourself

I wrote this post myself.
I pushed the keys that sent these letters.

But I didn’t build this computer.  I don’t know how circuits and transistors work.

And I didn’t generate the electricity that powers it.  I have copper and a magnet somewhere, but I didn’t put them together, didn’t spin them around my head like an Apache Tesla.

I didn’t take the photograph of the sailboat that I looked at just now.  It’s a fine ship, all ropes and canvas and silver gels.

I didn’t put myself in the mood to write these words.  Some songs and a series of blows to the body and soul did that.  I didn’t even ask.

And I didn’t ask you to read this far.  But it’s nice that you did.

View Comments / Oct 21.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Tristan Smith

// Would you like some tea? Please, ignore the blood.

By Sarah Pappalardo .
10.21.09 // Do-It-Yourself

View Comments / Oct 21.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Sarah Pappalardo

// Alright Then, By All Means

By Charles Hodges .
10.20.09 // Do-It-Yourself

Do it yourself.  Go ahead.  Do it.  After all, isn’t that the point?  To do it yourself?  Paint the shed without any help.  Build the swing-set in silence so no one doubts your prowess.  Set the squirrel traps in the attic by your lonesome.

But where did you buy that do-it-yourself kit?  From someone else?  Did someone else put together a kit so that you can paint the shed? Build the swing-set? Set the squirrel traps?

Oh, they didn’t you say?  So you invented them yourself?

You made the paint out of lead and pigment wrenched from grass?  You made the brush? Did you kill the boar and chop the tree?  Fashion the handle and set the bristles did you?  You wrapped it all in plastic and set it in a store so that you could be surprised to find out that today, and not tomorrow or any other day, was the day that you would paint the shed?  Even though no one even knows you have a shed?  Or that the back doesn’t have paint?  Where you keep the logs?  But it’s important right?  Yes, the back of the shed is important.  Yes, after all, we have neighbors.  Do you?  Do you have neighbors?  Yes.

But what about that swing-set?

Important? Yes?

Of course.

Yes, you don’t need to hire anyone for the swing set.  It’s just some logs and ropes after all. Nothing a little elbow grease couldn’t take care of.  It’s not like there will be a birthday years from now where someone will get hurt.  “We should have hired a professional,” she will say.  “I knew what I was doing,” you will say back.  But it will be too late.  Your pride, years earlier, will have caused a death.  No, no, no – you couldn’t have known.  You were just trying to be admirable – yes – by building the swing-set.  It was your duty.  You would never have looked as foolish as to ask the neighbor for a hand with the monkey bars.  There is no way you could have known that the screw hadn’t caught.  You did it yourself.  Sure, you didn’t actually make the monkey bars yourself, and it wasn’t your fault they snapped, but you tried.

No one knew the child would fall on a bottle.

But what about those squirrel traps?  You, by yourself, right?  That’s what we thought – what they thought, what you thought.  They’d been getting in that attic for months now.  Winter’s cold doesn’t let them stay in the trees.  You painted over their hole with Tabasco.  Didn’t work.  Now, they need to die.  It’s the only way you’ll be able to sleep.

You did it yourself.

And didn’t it feel good?  Sure, it didn’t smell great, but, come on, seventeen dead squirrels sitting in your attic.

My God, you said to yourself, what a peaceful February.

And, with all those dead squirrels, you thought: back in the old days it used to be a whole lot easier to get away.  All you had to do was get in your car.  No GPS.  No texting.  No internet, cell phones or google tricycles.

Just a car and a place and whatever you were doing.

Eating pistachios?

Sounds good.

Cheating on the wife?

It’s your choice.

Yeah, it used to be a whole lot harder to hide secrets back then.  Secrets need a lack of proof, or at least a lack of questions from the other side anyway.  Now, you can’t hide a secret anymore, but it sure is a whole lot easier to lie.

Now, there’s a do-it-yourself project.

Beats the shit out of painting a shed, or building a swing-set or even setting vengeance upon vermin.

At least that’s what I think, what I heard, what they said, what you saw.

But who knows if anyone is telling the truth?

Especially, especially, especially when they are doing so many things themselves.

View Comments / Oct 20.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Charles Hodges

// Because It’s Weird If You Don’t

By Joey Camire .
10.19.09 // Do-It-Yourself

Photo taken by Tatiana Peck

View Comments / Oct 19.09 / Do-It-Yourself / by Joey Camire