Awkward Silences

// Afternoon Delight

By Charles Hodges .
11.08.09 // Awkward Silences

They went outside to the hot tub immediately after her parents left for the play.

When they raided the liquor cabinet, they took the banana schnapps because they didn’t know any better.  Clothes were off in seconds.  They turned the bubbles on because they didn’t really know each that well.

Minutes passed.  They shared their hatred for their history teacher, and then threw caution to the wind.

Then it happened.  An apparition appeared in the sliding glass door.  At first, he thought it was the tree’s reflection.  Then, he saw her father’s face.  The old man stared at his daughter’s nude back.  Then he made eyed contact with the boy.

“What’s wrong with you?” she said.
“I think your dad left the tickets.”

View Comments / Nov 08.09 / Awkward Silences / by Charles Hodges

// Happy… Birthday…

By Joey Camire .
11.07.09 // Awkward Silences

Sometimes birthdays are awkward… Some people are as well.

Happy Birthday… from Blommit on Vimeo.

View Comments / Nov 07.09 / Awkward Silences / by Joey Camire

// Thanks Depeche

By Alex Aloise .
11.06.09 // Awkward Silences

Enjoy the Silence from alex aloise on Vimeo.

View Comments / Nov 06.09 / Awkward Silences / by Alex Aloise

// The Worst, Jerry, The Worst!

By Jake Dubs .
11.05.09 // Awkward Silences

Ahhh, the public restroom urinal row.

Is there any place in the whole of the modern world man has constructed for himself that breeds more strange, uncomfortable, awful experiences than this porcelain-clad inescapability of the male human experience?

If you’re a man (or, to be fair, if you’re a woman who happens to have a penis), consider the emotions that go through your mind whilst peeing publicly: Fear, unease, distress. Men aren’t designed to dispose of urine in crowded movie theatres, stadiums or airports.

It’s far too intimate a process.

We’re not supposed to stand shoulder-to-shoulder next to our brethren, staring straight ahead as other men stare at our backs, impatiently waiting for us to shake it off so they, too, can have their own turn at unpleasantness. (What most are unaware of is that while you think I’m finishing up, I haven’t even been able to coax on the waterworks yet).

The whole situation isn’t just silently wrong, it’s straight up silently awkward.

View Comments / Nov 05.09 / Awkward Silences / by Jake Dubs

// My apologies, sir or ma’am.

By Ben Cheney .
11.04.09 // Awkward Silences

I must apologize in advance if we ever experience the unfortunate existence of a run-in.  I should clarify, however, that it would not necessarily be unfortunate for me to have a run-in with you, unless, of course, you are a naturally nasty person or are having a particularly bad day.  No, it would most certainly be unfortunate for you.  I’m probably one of the most awkward people you will ever meet.  Honestly, I do not try to be awkward.  Most of the time I try to be the opposite of awkward.  I try to act warm and conversational and cheery.  But it doesn’t work.  I am, apparently, unable to understand how to be anything but awkward.  For example, I may be asked a simple question in what is supposed to be the middle of a totally normal conversation.  “What’s in that bag?”  Most people, understanding how to conversate or realizing the expected length of the conversation (maybe you are walking on the street with four minutes to go to reach your destination or you are in the waiting room of a doctor’s office with no end to the waiting in sight) would reply, “Oh, it’s just my handball gear.  I play every Tuesday and Thursday at the YMCA.  I play for the yellow team.  Do you play handball?”  I, on the other hand, would most likely reply, “Gear.”  This effectively ends whatever semblance of a conversation we were having immediately.  Silence ensues.  And for the rest of our four minute journey to the bus stop or the homeless shelter or the voting precinct, we will both experience an unbearable mountain of awkward silence.  It is for this that I am sorry.

View Comments / Nov 04.09 / Awkward Silences / by Ben Cheney

// AWKWARD SILENCES POST #2

By Jordan Childs .
11.03.09 // Awkward Silences

VERSION UNO

VERSION DOS

View Comments / Nov 03.09 / Awkward Silences / by Jordan Childs

// There are no awkward silences between the egomaniacal

By Tristan Smith .
11.02.09 // Awkward Silences

Bono: Hey Kanye, I have a poem by Charles Bukowski I’d like to read you.

Kanye: Wow, that was great.  I’ll take that under consideration.  Well, gotta go perform at VH1 Storytellers.  Later, dude.

View Comments / Nov 02.09 / Awkward Silences / by Tristan Smith