Firsts

// Crazytown – Population 23,654

By Charles Hodges .
02.14.10 // Firsts

This week was the first week that I found out about a little something called Chat Roulette.  If you have never been there, it is fucking unbelievable.  If you have been there, you already know that.  The concept is extremely simple.  You go to this site, enable your webcam and then you get connected to someone else who has enabled their webcam.  If you don’t like who you are talking to, you can simply next them.  It is completely anonymous.  And people act that way.  Some dude will just stare at you and then give you the middle finger.  You click next and there is a naked dude sitting on a workout ball.  You click next and it’s three girls from Belgium.  Then, more naked dudes.  Next.  High schoolers looking for naked women.  Next.  Nude dude.  Next.  Nice girl looking at the camera.  But then she nexts you. Then, some guy in a costume.  Then, some naked dude.  Then, some dudes in a college dorm.   Then, a party looking at you, judging you for being on there.  Then, a naked dude.

There is no cost to use Chat Roulette, but I’d say, if it were marketplace, the currency would be your threshold of being able to look at naked dudes.  If you are willing to put up with a few, then you might be able to have a nice conversation with someone.

It is a nice little experiment of what peope would act like if there were no consequences for their actions and their name couldn’t be attached to anything.  (Apparently a lot of people would show you their genitals and/or wear a mask.)

So all of that being said, the site is insanely creepy and best enjoyed with the company of others because then it’s funny.  I could extrapolate it out into what it means about society and a thousand other layers of bullshit, but, in the end, the only comparison I can make is this:  It’s like paella – it has lot’s of weird ingredients and you just have to try it for yourself.

Don’t be scared. Other people aren’t.  When I saw it a week ago, it had 15,000 people on it.  Now, it’s pushing 24,000.  Don’t know if that’s good or bad.

chatroulette.com   -    Say goodbye to the next hour (day) of your life.

View Comments / Feb 14.10 / Firsts / by Charles Hodges

// Bear vs. Wolf

By Joey Camire .
02.13.10 // Firsts

I’ve never been much of an artist.  I don’t think there is or ever will be anyone who would disagree with that.  I’ve just never had the patience.   I expect beautiful things to come out of the pencil or paints in an expedient fashion, and for some reason they don’t comply.  That may be the reason that this “FIRST” of mine is so vividly ingrained into my memory.

A little context. It was 1992 and I was in Mrs. Wexler’s second grade class.  It was a time of experimentation.  Should I wear “Thundercats” underwear or play it safe with “Ninja Turtles” briefs?  Should I just brown bag my lunch, or roll the dice and see what’s on the “hot lunch” menu at school?  Should I eat this Elmer’s paste?  Is Tonya a boy or a girl, cause she looks like a boy, but she pees in the girls bathroom.  These are the things I was struggling with.

One day I was struck with inspiration.  Was it a muse? The Glue? The curious love note from Tonya? I can’t be sure today, but I decided then that I was going to try to draw something for the first time.  Of course I had played with crayons before, and colored in coloring books, but I had never decided of my own volition to put pen to paper with the intention of drawing something prior to that day.  It was a big step.  I was considering long term situations here.  If I enjoyed what I was about to do I could be in for a lifetime of criticism and defeat and poverty and bad hygiene and really skinny jeans.  I moved forward anyway, knowing full well what I was getting myself into.  If art was going to be my true calling, something that really made me happy, I was ready to make the sacrifices.  I mean, I wasn’t all that clean in second grade anyway, I was on a bathing-every-other-day regiment and I had no problem keeping on that schedule through adulthood.

What came next was truly epic.  I felt as though I had been possessed by a muse, my veins coursing with inspiration, and the #2 lead from the half used Dixon Ticonderoga in my hand was the only way to release this inspiration into the world.  I can’t be sure of the time frame, it could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but I was left with a masterpiece.  At least that’s how I felt.  I was swelling with pride.  And then the thoughts went through my head, “How could I ever surpass this?”  I understood what art was now, I had experienced the joy of creating beauty and I was ready to move on to new things.  Art wasn’t for me.  Well continuing with art wasn’t for me, clearly, judging from the tour de force laying in front of me on grey “math paper”, art was for me if I wanted it.  But I didn’t.  I put my pencil in my cubby hole and I decided to move on to bigger and better things.  I never did figure out that Tonya mystery!

Yesterday, at work, I tried to recreate the my original masterpiece.  It left me with a lot of questions.  Why does the bear look like a Chupacabra?  Why is there a Gnome just hanging out watching the bear and the wolf about to have a serious battle, and smiling?  Why do both the bear and the wolf only have two limbs?  Is this what the original drawing actually looked like?  The last question is the big one.  In my head I remember it as one of Plato’s Ideal Forms, perfect, what all other pieces of art are modeled after… But in real life it looks like a piece of shit.  Hopefully in a few days I’ll be able to remember the first version more clearly and forget this picture of the two legged aliens about to fall over and/or fight.  Also, if you are reading this and work for the SyFy network, all rights are reserved for “Bear vs. Wolf” but if you are interested we can work out a deal for a made for TV movie.

View Comments / Feb 13.10 / Firsts / by Joey Camire

// Pages in the Baby Book

By Alex Aloise .
02.12.10 // Firsts

Are the Firsts that get all of the attention the Firsts that really matter? Society has developed the list for us. The list of Firsts that every respectable person has to hit by a certain time in their lives.

First steps
First word
First day of school
First crush
First kiss
First dance
First date
First “time”
First day of work

But what do these Firsts do for us as individuals? Are these actually milestones that help shape who you are as a person? Or are they nothing more than checkpoints, making sure that you’re caught up with everyone else?

I don’t buy these Firsts. Sure, they’re exciting when they happen (sometimes more so for those around you), but looking back on them did they seriously play a part in defining YOU?

I think there’s a better list of Firsts out there. One that you could keep tabs of and look back on to point out exactly how it set your life into a particular direction.

First trip to the mall
Did you instantly fall in love with the seemingly unending hallways of stores and the people who populated them? Or were you turned off by the unruly crowds and the seemingly unending hallways of stores that you kept getting dragged into? This single supposedly mundane day out could have molded your entire view on shopping, consumerism, commercialism, trends, etc. It may seem trivial to some, but a person’s shopping habits say a lot about their likes/dislikes/personality in general. And it all could have started with the first trip to the mall.

First time you were yelled at by an authority figure
Did you cower in fear and disappointment that first time your parents/teacher/boss/etc. raised their voice at you? Or did it spark something instead? Did it create the rebel who would go on to buck the system at any cost, eventually leading to his or her own undoing? Or did it light an inspirational/creative/entrepreneurial fire under your ass? It’s another moment that easily goes unnoticed by the masses, but one that could be just as pivotal as any other on the list.

First movie you ever saw (and can remember)
Your first movie, as early as it may be, has the power to shape your view on cinema. Will you see it as just a bigger, longer version of the stuff you see on TV already? Or will you view it as a window into another world, where literally anything you can imagine can come to life? That perception can in turn decide how you view creativity, imagination, and storytelling all together.

I could keep going on, spouting off things like The first album you bought with your own money (mine was The Village People’s Greatest Hits…I won’t go into it) or The first chore your parents made you do, but I’ll spare you the length.

The point is I think baby books need some more pages. Steps, words, and poops are all well and fine. That said, if you really want to document the person your child becomes, start counting the little things. They could make the biggest difference.

View Comments / Feb 12.10 / Firsts / by Alex Aloise

// Curiosity Never Killed Anyone

By Jake Dubs .
02.11.10 // Firsts

Who was the first person to smile?

Who was the first person to cut their hair?

Who were the first people to have sex?

Who was the first person to be born?

Who was the first person to say something funny?

Who was the first person to laugh at something funny?

Who was the first person to use the word “cool” to define something “cool”?

Who was the first person to realize, dude, holy shit, we can masturbate?

Who was the first person to think the world wasn’t flat?

Who was the first person to accidentally make fire?

Who was the first person to come up with the theory of God?

Who was the first person to figure out alcohol gets you drunk?

Who was the first person to truly think about the concept of the internet?

Who was the first person to try swimming without drowning?

Who was the first person to use fossil fuels for energy?

Who was the first person to smoke pot?

Who was the first person to realize 365 was the magic number of days in a year?

Who was the first person to refer to the delicious concoction of meats, beans and spices as “chili”?

Who was the first person to die?

View Comments / Feb 11.10 / Firsts / by Jake Dubs

// The First Thing

By Elektrovideo .
02.10.10 // Firsts, Uncategorized

If I were a spy, the first thing I would do, would be to totally hide the wire in my knitting yarn

because no one would ever look there. We’d be in the middle of a normal conversation about

how the coke is transferred to our guy on the inside and I’d casually remove my

knitting from my tote bag and take advantage of some of the down time to catch up on my scarf.

Suddenly, one of the bad guys would get suspicious because he would notice that although

I’m always knitting, my scarf never gets any longer.

The other bad guy who is also my boyfriend (we’re really just sleeping together) would come

to my defense and say that I’m still just learning.

Then another bad guy would grab my needles and say, “How do I know these aren’t

really microphones?” I’d grab the ball of yarn and let him inspect the needles.

Then, to give the guys in the van (who I’m also sleeping with) the signal, I’d say,

“What? Knitting needles that are also microphones? What are you? In-scane?”

And then we would all laugh because a few of the guys whose mothers knit would

know that the yarn ball is also called a “scane”.

God, we would have fun.

View Comments / Feb 10.10 / Firsts, Uncategorized / by Elektrovideo

// That first time will make you a legend.

By Ben Cheney .
02.10.10 // Firsts

Firsts are always such a big deal, but seconds hardly ever matter. And thirds, forget about it.

But seconds are more important than firsts. And thirds trump seconds. And so on, and so fourth. (joke, ha)

Firsts just prove that you did something right for once. But anyone can get lucky. Seconds, however, prove that that first wasn’t a fluke and that you’ll most likely be able to do it a third time. And thirds further solidify your ability to perform. By the third time, you’re probably pretty close to master level, you’re almost the best ever.

Take this feat for example.

For the rest of time, that kid (his name’s probably Dylan or Dan or some other D word) will be able to prove that he made a 100-pointer off a baseball bat. But, it’s just a one time shot. His first time will always be the only time. He hasn’t mastered that shot. Far from it; he hasn’t even done it twice. Yet that first time will make him a celebrity with all the strangers he meets at the local bar 15 years later. He’ll be woven into local folklore for generations to come. A statue may even be erected to him in his backyard. Not because he’s a master at his feat. No, it’s all because of that first, and only, time.

View Comments / Feb 10.10 / Firsts / by Ben Cheney

// The Negative Effect Of Adult Routines

By Jordan Childs .
02.09.10 // Firsts

View Comments / Feb 09.10 / Firsts / by Jordan Childs

// The First of Many

By admin .
02.08.10 // Firsts

Today is the first day of “Firsts” week, and we’re starting off strong.
Last night’s SuperBowl featured the first SuperBowl ad by Google.
More importantly, it featured the first SuperBowl ad by Blommit’s own Tristan Smith.
Congrats buddy!

View Comments / Feb 08.10 / Firsts / by admin