The long lost seventh member of The Village People, Lynn Boyd, speaks out about the trials and joys of being in, and being kicked out of the group.

The Village People circa 1978

With insurance men stuffing breast pockets with stacks of hundreds, America, cyclops of the West, once again turns its all-seeing eye towards revolution.  From the tents of each latter-day Hooverville come the grunts and shouts of a frustrated nation, unsure of its future, desperate for the slush of a pre-9/11 empire.

But a horde with pickets is not a revolution.  Even if this does turn out to be a bit of 1929-itis, a class revolution is unlikely, and here’s why:

In a huge country like America, moving important things by air has become the norm.  Need to be somewhere tomorrow?  You don’t get in a truck.  And as long as pilots continue to make salaries in the hundred-thousand dollar range, it’s going to be difficult persuading them to join a proletariat movement.  It’s going to be difficult to get them to join anything.

So while the internet may be the cradle of some new voice calling for searing, rending change in a partially zombified, partially reborn country, a revolution isn’t near.

Skills pay bills.  Paid bills mean happy people.  Happy people don’t revolt.

That said, like most things, career choices naturally fall in to some sort of (albeit reasonably subjective) hierarchy based on the level of sex appeal they offer. For a very long time Pilots were at the top of that list and for good reason. Commercial flight was brand new, it was risky, on the edge and the picture of masculinity.

Top Careers For Sexual Appeal – 1975
1)Pilot
2)Actor
3)Astronaut
4)Doctor
5)Politician

But over time the sex appeal of pilots has started to sag more than Michael Douglas’s skin below the neck line. We are talking saggage like Diane Keaton breasts in “Something’s Gotta Give”. Today it has sagged lower than Octomom’s lady parts. When was the last time you heard a pilot over the loud speakers and got turned on? The question, though, is why has this happened? I smell a conspiracy!

If you look at that list, you will notice that the number two was Actors. The actors were number one ever since William Shakespeare got inside half of England. The actors had been on top for a long time and they were not going to take their dethroning sitting down, so they fired back. They let loose an onslaught of terrible movies to reduce pilots to the company of mere mortals. I’ve created a graph to illustrate it.

Today, thanks to the likes of Samuel L. Jackson, pilots have the sexual appeal of, well, Samuel L. Jackson.  Pilots whom were once at the top of the list have been reduced to “Bus Drivers In The Sky”.

The Actors also plucked astronauts off that list as well.  Movies like Mission to Mars, Rocket Man and Armageddon made small work of the “Space Cowboys”.  Unfortunately for them, while focusing all of their attention on ruining pilots and astronauts, the actors got distracted.  Today the list looks like this.

Top Careers For Sexual Appeal – 2009
1) Jonas Brother
2) Actor
3) Personal Trainer
4) Therapist
5) Contributor at Blommit.com

I have a feeling that the Jonas Brothers won’t be up there for long. The actors aren’t staging a massive coup, on the contrary, it’s not needed.  They’re just leaving them to their own devices!  Let’s see them stay on top after this one…

we are it
you know

you and you
and you
and i
the swabbers
cooks
crew and
captain
all

this is ours
you know

ours to lead
to steer
and clean
and control
because
we make
the decisions
here

it’s up to us
you know

up to us
and to no one
but us
no one else
to help clean
none to
push it forward
into the abyss

we’re the masters
you know

it’s our providence
we’re
in
control
of
our direction
our lot
our portion

and it’s ours
all
ours