Tantrums

// Throwing A Tantrum In My Head

By Chris Stephens .
04.11.10 // Tantrums

There’s a woman that worked in my office last summer in Hong Kong whose only job was to make the coffee in the morning and prepare the fruit. If it were a 500 person work place, it would be quite a handful. But on a day to day basis there were typically only about 20 people in the office, so she had generally little to do after spending 5 minutes doing her daily ritual of washing bananas and preparing coffee.

One day, I caught her literally staring at a wall.
And it wasn’t just for a quick 30 seconds but for a solid few minutes.
That same day while making toast I thought about how boring her job must be and started getting really depressed. My thoughts started racing at a mile a minute.

I mean, was this what she dreamed of doing when she was a kid?
Staring at walls? Does she have no ambition? No goals? No motivation to quit this job and walk out and find her true calling? Does she not have any self respect? Any gumption? Any urge to make something of herself?
What does she want to do with her life? I mean this can’t be it!
There’s got to be a bigger picture!! She has to serve some purpose!!!
SHE HAS TO HAVE DREAMS!!!
SHE HAS TO HAVE A HIGHER CALLING!!!
WHAT WILL HER TOMBSTONE READ?!?
“MADE COFFEE FOR 5 MINUTES ONCE EVERY MORNING THEN SAT WAITING TO DIE??!!!?”
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN???
SHE NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER LIFE!!! SHE NEEDS TO MAKE A CHANGE!!!
START A NEW CAREER, A NEW COMPANY, MAYBE A REVOLUTION!!!!
DO THE IMPOSSIBLE!!!
STOP WAITING AND START LIVING!!! THINK BIGGER, MAKE MOVES,
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR…

And that’s when I noticed my toast. It was done. But it was still in the toaster and I had no idea how to get it out.
I tried fidgeting with the switch but to no prevail. I looked on the side and there were three buttons. But without a working knowledge of Cantonese there was no way to tell which button to push. I looked back at my toast. Watched as it slowly burned.
Watched helplessly as it cried out to be saved,

“Help me Chris. I’m done. Get me out!!! Smear delicious peanut butter on me.”

But what could I do? Nothing. So I froze in panic. Unable to do anything but watch as my perfectly brown toast slowly darkened until the inevitable. Black and burnt. Just when all hope looked lost…
That’s when the drink lady walked up calmly, moved me aside, and pushed the eject button. Then gave me a small smile and walked away.
And like that I was thankful for her being there. She had a purpose. For that one moment, I saw that maybe that was all that lady needed.
That was all she waited for. To help someone in the office out when they truly needed her. And maybe she loved her job because she got to help stupid people out who panic when their toast starts to burn.

Maybe she had a greater gumption and respect for life than I could ever imagine. Maybe she had all the answers all along. Maybe.
But then she sat down again and went back to starring at the wall.

View Comments / Apr 11.10 / Tantrums / by Chris Stephens

// The balance

By Matt Spicer .
04.11.10 // Tantrums

There must be some secret society that creates things for the soul purpose of causing tantrums. This organization most likely serves to balance out all the happiness we have in life and to remind us that extremely happy people just make the rest of us much more angry.

They’ve probably created things like:

Furniture instructions.
Calculus
People walking in the middle of the street.
Wires
Potholes
Apathetic print-shop employees.
Time
Grad school
Mud
The automated voice mail lady.
Airport security
People that work out.
and Mold

So remember your happiness is only temporary.

View Comments / Apr 11.10 / Tantrums / by Matt Spicer

// Hell Hath No Fury…

By Joey Camire .
04.08.10 // Tantrums

We all have our moments, I know I do, but all of our tantrums combined still pale in comparison to the mood swings and fits of rage thrown our way by Mother Nature.

View Comments / Apr 08.10 / Tantrums / by Joey Camire

// …Of Broken Hearts and Broken Wings

By Alex Aloise .
04.08.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 08.10 / Tantrums / by Alex Aloise

// GAME OVER.

By Jake Dubs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jake Dubs

// The Genuine Article

By Jordan Childs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jordan Childs

// Food for fuel

By Jordan Childs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jordan Childs

// Thought For Food

By Jake Dubs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jake Dubs

// Food for thought

By Jordan Childs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jordan Childs

// Well, Think About This

By Jake Dubs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jake Dubs

// THOUGHT ABOUT IT

By Jordan Childs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jordan Childs

// Think About It

By Jake Dubs .
04.07.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 07.10 / Tantrums / by Jake Dubs

// A backhoe to the back of the head.

By Ben Cheney .
04.06.10 // Tantrums

There’s a tantrum in the air tonight. Don’t go outside, you might get hit. And if you get hit, you’re not coming back inside because you’ll get ashes all over the damn place. So don’t even think about it.

View Comments / Apr 06.10 / Tantrums / by Ben Cheney

// On your way up or sideways or down

By EricaPressly .
04.06.10 // Tantrums

A tantrum inspired manifesto for the thousands of folks looking for unpaid or underpaid summer internships:

View Comments / Apr 06.10 / Tantrums / by EricaPressly

// The 5-Year-Old Who Complains About Having A Beard

By Guest Post .
04.05.10 // Tantrums

View Comments / Apr 05.10 / Tantrums / by Guest Post