Firsts Uncategorized

Firsts, Uncategorized

If I were a spy, the first thing I would do, would be to totally hide the wire in my knitting yarn

because no one would ever look there. We’d be in the middle of a normal conversation about

how the coke is transferred to our guy on the inside and I’d casually remove my

knitting from my tote bag and take advantage of some of the down time to catch up on my scarf.

Suddenly, one of the bad guys would get suspicious because he would notice that although

I’m always knitting, my scarf never gets any longer.

The other bad guy who is also my boyfriend (we’re really just sleeping together) would come

to my defense and say that I’m still just learning.

Then another bad guy would grab my needles and say, “How do I know these aren’t

really microphones?” I’d grab the ball of yarn and let him inspect the needles.

Then, to give the guys in the van (who I’m also sleeping with) the signal, I’d say,

“What? Knitting needles that are also microphones? What are you? In-scane?”

And then we would all laugh because a few of the guys whose mothers knit would

know that the yarn ball is also called a “scane”.

God, we would have fun.

Judge us... We like it!

Rating: 5.0/5 (11 votes cast)

View Comments / Feb 10.10 / Firsts, Uncategorized / by Elektrovideo

// Sounds good.

By Tristan Smith .
01.22.10 // Onomatopoeia, Uncategorized

So thought occurred to me

how does the whole onomatopoeia situation work in other languages?

Right?

So, courtesy of Google translate, let’s take a quick tour around the world of funny words.

Whoosh in German is “zack”. I think people named Zach are slow, so this does not work for me.

Rustle in Portuguese is “farfalhar”. This sounds mysterious and devious, like someone creeping in the bushes. It also sounds like the sound of fried chickpeas, which is clever.

Bubble in Polish is “gul gul”. The Poles nailed it on this one. Onomatopoeia in a different language, and it sounds more threatening than bubble. B is a very unthreatening letter, while G is an axe wielding hun.

Tinkle in Hungarian is “hálózat”. I think this is best. “The china made a soft halozat as it was placed in the drawer.” Now that’s writing. THAT’S language.

Judge us... We like it!

Rating: 4.0/5 (11 votes cast)

View Comments / Jan 22.10 / Onomatopoeia, Uncategorized / by Tristan Smith

// Memories

By Tristan Smith .
10.15.09 // Uncategorized

Things coaches have said/screamed at me:

In reference to the wind sprints we were currently engaged in:

“WE AIN’T STOPPIN’ ‘TIL THE BIG MAN RUNS.”

I want to go on the record as saying I was, in fact, running when he yelled this. I was running very hard, to the point where my internal organs hurt. This was in 7th grade.

In reference to our effort in the previous two quarters.

“Fuck that. Fuckin’, if you guys aren’t going to play, I’m not going to coach. Do whatever you want. Sub yourselves in and out. I’m done. Fuck.”

This was at half time of a JV basketball game. I was in 9th grade.

In reference to… gyms? The sun?

“THE SUN DON’T SHINE IN THE GYM.”

This was actually a slogan on a t-shirt one of my coaches wore. But I’ll always remember it. Because it’s true. And sad.
In reference to losing.

“I DON’T CARE IF WE’RE DOWN BY FIFTEEN. FUCKIN PLAY LIKE IT’S ZERO-ZERO AND THE GAME JUST STARTED. USE THIS QUARTER AS PRACTICE. “

I guess this is actually good advice but it’s like, fuck dude, we’re about to lose a game, just give us a second to ourselves, ok?

In reference to everything about our team/the universe:

“Fuckin fuck, fuck fuckin fuck fuck fuckin. Come on.”

Muttering was better than screaming.

Judge us... We like it!