“Thud Udd!  Thud Udd!”  The Marton kids were taunting and laughing and smashing Udd over the head with their stalactite clubs.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning in the spring of 13,168 B.C.  The raptors were screeching and the woolly mammoths were stampeding.  It was the perfect day for pot making and loincloth sewing.

Udd, an awkward 13 year old Cro-Magnon boy, was walking from his parent’s cave to his uncle’s.  It was just down the path, but he had to walk past TonnTonn and Chut Marton’s house to get there.  He hated TonnTonn and Chut.  They were nothing but hairy Pterodactyl butts.  They were mean and spoiled and thought they were the coolest kids in town.  TonnTonn loved rhyming and Chut loved hitting.  Consequently, “Thud Udd” was one of their favorite kids to pick on.

“Stop it!  Ow!  ROAR!”  Udd cried.  Seeing no other way out, Udd hung a sharp right and ran into the woods to the place where all the dinosaurs pooped.  He knew TonnTonn and Chut wouldn’t follow him in there.  He was safe.  For now.

He slowed his run to a walk, paying careful attention to avoiding the poo land mines.  He had only ever been back here once before.  When he was seven he had run away from home because his mom wouldn’t let him eat anymore saber-tooth pudding.  He spent the night here only to find himself being spooned by a baby T-rex the next morning.

He shuddered at the thought and kept walking.  When he approached the clearing that led towards his uncle’s house, he heard a beautiful sound coming from the other direction.  It sounded like a babbling brook!  Curious, Udd followed his ear and walked through another thicket of trees.

What lay before him was surely a hidden treasure, possibly an alternate universe.  Udd was looking at the most beautiful place in Pangaea.  There was beautifully manicured grass, deep blue pools of fresh water fed by peaceful waterfalls, rainbows over every hill, trees bearing brightly colored fruit, and two handsome naked people walking around in the distance.  A stone sign read “Welcome to the Garden of Eden.”

Shocked, Udd stumbled forward to the edge of a babbling brook, the very babbling brook that drew him here in the first place.  He knelt down and plunged his hand deep into the water.  He brought his hands to his mouth, taking a drink of the purest water ever to touch his lips.  “Ahhhhh!  It’s so pure!”

He stood up and strolled over to a tree bearing bright orange fruit.  Udd plucked a juicy orange and ate it with fervor.  It was so juicy!

Cautious not to disturb the two handsome naked people, Udd thought it best to leave.  Maybe he would bring his mom here on her birthday or his uncle next time he was drunk.  Either way, he would make it a point to come back.

But before he could leave, Udd noticed a second pool of water, placid and shiny like a buffed triceratops tusk.  Unable to take his eyes off the water, Udd walked to its banks.

With his jaw wide open, Udd looked down.  His eyes met his own eyes.  The stillness of the water showed him something he had never seen before — himself.

“Me.  Me.  ME!”  Udd said, so excited to see himself staring at himself.  Then, he saw them, creeping up over his shoulders.  It was TonnTonn and Chut.

Udd, being a quick thinker, decided to sneak attack their sneak attack, therefore trumping their sneak attack.  He watched their reflection in the water and waited.  He continued to say, “Me. Me. Me!” in a tone that delivered disbelief so as to make TonnTonn and Chut think their sneak attack was working.

It was then that he saw TonnTonn and Chut raise their stalactite clubs.  They were ready to smash.  Udd turned around, teeth gritted, and said, “Me. Me. ROAR!”