Seven Deadly Sins
//
Seven-Year-Old Sins
By
Alex Aloise .
01.04.09 //
Seven Deadly Sins
// Seven-Year-Old Sins
By
Alex Aloise .
01.04.09 //
Seven Deadly Sins
The Seven Deadly Sins are so named because they are the easiest to commit. They are the unavoidable ugly sides to human behavior. Everyone has fallen victim to at least one of them at some point in their life. It’s near impossible for anyone to avoid any of them completely. So imagine trying to avoid the Seven Deadly Sins without even knowing they exist.
Now put yourself in the shoes of a seven-year-old. Kids sin more than any other group of people on the planet. Not because they are bad or evil, but rather because they just don’t know any better. In fact, a seven-year-old could easily commit every single Deadly Sin at just one birthday party:
Greed
Scotty: “I want to open my presents right now! I have to open them now!”
Mom: “You can open just one present right now, sweety. The rest have to wait until after the cake.”
Scotty: “NOOO! I HAVE TO OPEN THEM NOW!”
Envy
Scotty: “Aww, the Green Ranger? I wanted the White Ranger with Spinning-Spring-Kick. Aaron has the White Ranger. I wanted one too. I hate the Green Ranger.”
Lust
Scotty: “I’m older than you now so you have to let me touch it.”
Tabitha: “Yeah but my mom said the only people who could do that were doctors and God.”
Scotty: “Well I heard my dad tell my uncle that my mom only lets him touch it on his birthday. So you have to too.”
Anger
Scotty: “SHUT UP! I told her I wanted the White Ranger. It’s not my fault. I HATE YOU!”
Wrath
Mom: “Scotty Turner! Why did you punch Aaron in the eye?”
Scotty: “Because he said that since I got the Green Ranger that meant I was a goddamned pussy.”
Sloth
Scotty: “I don’t want to play any games. Duck Duck Goose sucks anyway. I’m just gonna sit here with my birthday cake.”
Gluttony
Mom: “Scotty, I think you’ve had enough cake. Now we don’t have enough for the rest of your friends.”
Pride
Scotty: “Mom, Aaron, come look at the size of this poop I made! There’s sprinkles in it!”
//
Save me from the Seven Deadly Sins!
By
Ben Cheney .
01.02.09 //
Seven Deadly Sins
// Save me from the Seven Deadly Sins!
By
Ben Cheney .
01.02.09 //
Seven Deadly Sins
//
The Faces
By
Charles Hodges .
12.30.08 //
Seven Deadly Sins
// The Faces
By
Charles Hodges .
12.30.08 //
Seven Deadly Sins
The 7 Deadly Sins and their respective spokesperson(s) in today’s world:
Pride
Wes Anderson
“My name is Wes Anderson. You just don’t get it.”
—–
Greed
The guy that sells cellphone apparel at kiosks in the mall
“Do you need a neon green casing that I stole from a Christmas shipment that was going to an orphanage?”
—-
Lust
The State of California
“I’m ready to shoot, Jack. I even kind of look like a semi.”
—-
Envy
Senior Citizens
“I was sexy once. And I didn’t have no iPod neither!”
—-
Gluttony
People who say, “I didn’t eat breakfast.”
“What? I didn’t.”
—-
Wrath
The City of Detroit
“Don’t fucking look at me.”
—-
Sloth
The writers of the movie Hancock
“it’s not like people are going to leave the theater if they’ve been there for an hour.”
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