Sketchy
//
The Original Sketch
By
Joey Camire .
09.20.09 //
Sketchy
// The Original Sketch
By
Joey Camire .
09.20.09 //
Sketchy
Before there was that guy, there was The Guy. He was the first ever to act sketchy, no wonder so many people act sketchy today. The following are some of his best sketchy stories.
Hey. Psssssst. Over here. Moses. No. Over here, in the bush. Yeah It’s Me. Yeah way… See what I did there. Why wouldn’t the bush be on fire. Take off your sandals. So. Favor. I’m gonna need you to tend to my flock. Yeah? What? You won’t? Fine. You can turn your staff into a snake, would that change your mind? No? Water into Blood? Knew that one would get you. OK. Save my peeps, oh, and P.S I’m not going to let you into the holy land. Can I keep these sandals?
Hey, Lot. So these guys here in Sodom and Gamorah are kinda jerks, but your Ok. So what I’m going to do is take care of the situation. Cool? You should probably get out of here. Definitely. I’m going to recommend you don’t look back at what’s going on. What’s with the 20 questions? Just don’t look back. God… Oh fuck. I.. Ahhh. Ok, I was raining down hellfire. I mean that is a lot of salt. Think of it as a gift. Worth a lot of money. Get yourself a virgin with that money, she was old anyway.
Heeeeeeeeey Abraham. Whatcha doin’? I’m bored. I know, but paradise is so blase. Let’s play a game. Yeah? Awesome. OK, I just made up the game right now. It’s called “How Much Do You Love Me.” So. How much? That’s it? You can do better. Boooooring. Ok, you’ll sacrifice your son? I’m listening. Prove it! Yes you have to. Yes because I’m bored…. STOP! Oh man, you were actually going to do that? What kind of father are you. HAHA. Man, that kids is definitely going to have problems. Can you say daddy issues? Ok, bored again. Later.
Hey Noah, hows the drinkin’ goin’? That sounds painful. Anyway. Reason I came to talk to you is cause the land has been looking preeeeeettty dirty lately. Just needs some spring cleansing. You should probably build a boat. Know what? Make it an arc. Eh, I wouldn’t tell anyone else. Three is a crowd. I like that. Get two of as many animals as you can and bring ‘em on board. Fiiiiiiine. Bring your family too. No don’t bring the unicorns. They are just so cute it gets annoying. So tired of their prancing and rainbows. Ciao.
Hey Satan. You want to what? Fuck with Job? Why, he is such a pious dude. Cool as shit! Oh, just cause? Well when you put it like that. Just don’t kill him…… Hey Job. Why did I do that to you? Cause I can, fuck! You aren’t allowed to ask questions. I can do whatever I want. You don’t know what it’s like to be this awesome. Comes with some tough decisions. Like whether to fuck with people for no reason or not. You’re right, it does suck about the 10 dead children. Yeah, and the boils probably burn. Oh and losing your whole fortune that you worked your whole life for. Bummer. I get it. You still want to be my friend? Alright, you can have ten more kids. And here is some money.
//
When I retire, I want to lose it.
By
Ben Cheney .
09.10.09 //
Retirement
// When I retire, I want to lose it.
By
Ben Cheney .
09.10.09 //
Retirement
I want to grow a wild beard and let the hair grow out of my ears.
I want to become unkempt and old and strange.
I want to live in a house in the woods and have bears and deer for pets.
I want to read interesting books and write very short stories and ignore technology and forget about the ultra modern world and wear flannel pants.
I want to study culture of world’s past and have long, interesting, yet nonsensical conversations with other strange individuals over rum in a dimly lit backwoods bar.
When I retire, I want to lose it.
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