And to secure my rise to the top of the social pyramid? How about this sick new wardrobe? I’ve been watching the high school trends for the last year. I know what’s in: VINTAGE. So this year I’m going all vintage. But not only that, I’m going all green too. Everything recycled. EVERYTHING. My mom asked me if I wanted to go shopping for new school clothes. Know what I said? I said “I’m already ahead of you” and then I started pulling boxes out of the attic. God, they’re not gonna know what hit’em.

Hey Grand Valley High, did you know that my dad won the 1989 Ashtabula County Squash Grower’s Association Squash-Off? Well you do now, ‘cause it’s on my shirt.

Oh thank you, Crystal McAfee – Sophomore Supermodel – this IS a nice a jacket. And if you place your hand on any part of it for five seconds, it will change colors. I know, that IS SO COOL, and yes I’d love to go out with you Friday night.

Where did I get this badass hat, you say? Why at the Regalbuto family reunion of course. IN 1994! SUCK IT! And yes, the mesh in the back does allow my hair to breathe.

Oh I’m sorry Todd Crawford – Junior Track Star – did I step on your foot? Oh man I seem to have scuffed your New Balances. Well at least my shoes didn’t get any schmutz on them. I’d hate to have some dirt and mud covering the heels….WHERE THE LIGHTS ARE!!!!

You’re goddamned right I’m using a lunch box!

Thanks, I like my backpack a lot too. It’s jumbo sized so I can fit all of my books in it, and not have to carry half of them around like you do. The extra pockets and compartments let me hold more pens, pencils and my calculator. Plus, Willow is, like, my favorite movie.

You’re right Matt Evanston – Quarterback/SGA President – these are sweet jeans. Yeah, they are wicked vintage. Yup, the elastic does look killer. And my mom got her first period in these when she was 17. CLASSIC!

No question. I’ve got High School in the bag.